So there’s this chick, this girlie, this woman if you’re politically correct, and she’s incredibly wicked stupid, right? I mean stupid like you wouldn’t believe, so stupid it’s painful to hear about. We’ll call her Marie cause, well, that’s her name. I think.
I’m not gonna even try to go into all the ways she’s a moron. Let’s just look at the one example that really can’t be explained away. She’s making a Hot Pocket, right? And I tell her to heat it up for two and a half minutes. So she puts it in the microwave and hits power and sets the time… and sets it for two minutes, fifty seconds.
I stop her. I say no no, two and a half minutes. She looks at me funny. I look at her. I say real slow like, two and a half minutes. She looks at the time. She looks at me. She says questioningly, that too long?
I lick my lips and nod my head. She nods her understanding. She clears the time and tries again, this time shooting for two minutes flat.
I stop her. I say two and a *half* minutes. She looks at me, genuinely confused. I spell it out. Two minutes, thirty seconds. She enters it in. All is well.
Except I have to live with the knowledge that an adult human being, this chick, Marie, doesn’t quite know what half a minute is. Benefit of the doubt, she wasn’t born in America, but isn’t half a minute the same worldwide? Is it different in India or Thailand or Budapest? Is the system of seconds somehow askew?
Or is this one poor, tortured woman absolute proof of a total lack of intelligent life?