Story Submitted by: Teracia
Slippery Fishes
I has started the day innocently enough. “Chantelle, Lets go” I yell at her door on my way out to the car. Getting her to cooperate is like poking a snake with a stick, sometimes teens move sometimes they strike out. Suddenly we are both in the truck. A silver Ford Ranger, old dependable. We make our way to the Commissary on Fort Hood. If you don’t know what that is its the grocery store on a military base. Things are going splendidly. My daughter grabbing the things I tell her to get and we make our way through virtually unscathed. I told her to grab a gallon of 1 % milk. As I turn the second to last aisle all I can think is “this is almost over”. Chantelle turns to get milk and I walk down the aisle grabbing the numerous things we need for the week. I round the corner. I have made it to the last aisle. Victory is soon going to be mine. I have done the weekly shopping with no argument from my teen daughter and the commissary wasn’t to packed when we got here. That is changing quickly. I am trying my best to finish and get out before church is out and the populous descend on this place. Walking down the frozen foods isle I am focusing on my mental list , yep, I think I have it all except yogurt. And then it happen. My knee gives out pain shoots to my thigh and to my calf. What the Hell! I am now on the ground wondering just what the hell happened to my victory and what the hell happened to my knee. I straighten myself out and get into a sitting position to check out the damage. Its hard to see if your dying holding on to the bar handle of the cart with one hand and looking at the floor and having your hand on the floor trying not to smash your face into it. OK so now I’m seated and oh my god it hurts. OK Teracia don’t panic. Look left to see if people saw you fall on your face. Yes they saw it. Look right, yep, they saw it too. What the hell is that next to my butt. A FISH! A frozen Fish of unknown origin. This place doesn’t sell fresh fish. What the hell? Ouch, knee really hurts. Stop laughing at yourself and get up you look like an idiot, OW OW OW OW, OK the standing thing is not working. Yell for someone to get your big ass off the floor. Cleaning lady that weight maybe 85 pounds. yeah right. Can you go get me a grown up honey? Where the hell is my kid? CHANTELLE? “Mom what the heck are you doing on the floor?”
“Shut up, I slipped on this fish.” Oh My God I said it out loud. HAHAHAHAHA I slipped on this fish and I cant get up. Ah yes finally a man to help me to my feet. Ouch ouch nope still cant stand someone get me a damn chair I’m sick of sitting on the floor next to this now defrosted fish. Just me and my fish. Insert insane laughter from a teen daughter here. OK I have frozen groceries just get me to the car….. shit I brought the truck. The truck with a Standard transmission and its my left knee that is screwed up. How the hell am I going to get home. More insane laughter from a teen that now has told god and every contact in her cell phone that I have broken myself by slipping on a fish. Oh great a manager. No I don’t want an ambulance. I want to get home with my groceries and I want to day to be over. Call hubby on cell phone….. nope hes not answering. How am I going to get home. Hey bagger boy do u know how to drive a standard? We had the bagger boy drive us home and he took a taxi back to work. I kept my fish! Hubby rushed home because of text from daughter and myself and took me to the ER where I then get to tell them my fish story. Ever seen Doctors and nurses try not to laugh when they are giving you morphine. It hurts so bad but Oh my god I slipped on a fish hahahahahahah. And that my friends is all I remember.
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